How can I blame my parents for my suffering

My parents weren’t even proper adults when they married. They were still child‑like when they brought me into this world.

And for years, I blamed them for not knowing how to raise me. I blamed them fiercely. Until 27, it sometimes felt like a war partially due to my rebellious nature.

Then a speeding blackhole hit me, which shook me and woke me up.

And slowly, my perspective changed. I realized:

Parents are not demigods

They are humans—just as insecure, sensitive, and immature as we are. They simply pretend to be unafraid when they become parents. Most figure things out as they go.

At least, that’s how it was for my parents’ generation in India.

Society is changing now, but one truth remains:
Parents are not demigods. They are humans.

Learning the art of parenting

I’ve often been told I’m foolish for believing that people should learn the art of parenting before becoming parents—like a teacher must train before teaching.

When I said this to my mothers, they replied that parenting cannot be learned through books or courses, just as you cannot learn swimming by watching YouTube tutorials.

I protested: “Then the damage will be done. The clay will already be shaped incorrectly.” 

They had no answer.

Arriving at a conclusion

After watching countless expert podcasts and speaking with strangers and friends about parenting, I came to a hard truth:

No matter what you do, no matter how good a parent you are, our children will suffer.

If you teach moral values, they may struggle financially. If you teach financial wisdom, they may lack civic sense.

Even with holistic education, suffering would finds a way in. There is no escape from the karmic lucky‑draw.

You cannot escape the law of existence

How can anyone escape fate?

When a human being is bound to suffer because that is the nature of existence, who am I to think I can change that? I once believed that raising children as #wholeexplorers or #wholehumans would free them from suffering.

How childish. It was simply an attempt to heal the suffering I carried. Sensitive people often try to end the cycle of pain with themselves. Someone who suffered insomnia becomes an advocate for sleep. Someone who endured domestic abuse starts an NGO.

You get it, right?

But how can a broken person remove suffering entirely from a child’s life?

We can reduce it, soften it, turn it into smaller, digestible pieces—but never erase it.

Children will suffer. They will be hurt and in turn hurt. That is part of being human.

There is no escape from the karmic lottery.

Only one way out

This is not nihilism.

There is only one true way out: #wakingup.

Only when you wake up can you help a child wake up. Only then can they be free from suffering in a deeper, truer sense.

But don’t stop doing the good work. When two beings suffer together with awareness, there is a strange, almost heavenly kind of pain in it.