External Action Can Not Be the Cause of My Reaction

My loved one went to play table tennis in the evening yesterday as usual.

She should have returned by now. But she hadn’t. So I called her but it wasn’t answered. I called her again after 10 minutes. No response.

I get tense. I start to get disturbing thoughts.

I now try sending her a WhatsApp message. But it wasn’t delivered. It seems like she is not connected to the Internet either.

I called after 10 minutes again and now it said the number is switched off.

Now the worst-case scenario starts flashing in my mind. And I start praying to God. Please God tell her to call me back.

And then after 10 minutes, I got a call back from her number. I rush to pick it up desperately hoping to hear a familiar voice.

And I do hear her voice.

I am relieved at last! But the feeling of relief quickly turned into anger.

I was mad at her for not answering my calls or replying to my messages. She told me she played longer than usual putting the phone on silent mode. And then they went to the basement where there was no connectivity.

Think about it. I was mad at the same person whose voice I was dying to hear some minutes ago. Strange, isn’t it?

What is at play here?

I was getting mad at her because her not picking up the phone made me feel some uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions. I lost self-control for a while there.

Why am I getting all worked up and mad at her? Is not picking up the phone really her fault?

Am I getting angry at her or at myself for assuming & imagining the worst-case scenario?

I called her. She did not answer for valid reasons. Now how is it her fault for ‘how I felt’ or ‘how worried I was’?

I was getting mad at her because her not picking up the phone made me feel some uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions. I lost self-control for a while there.

But she is not to be blamed here, is she? She did not ‘force’ me to feel those unpleasant emotions. It was my own fault as I do not have control over my emotions and feelings.

What we perceive is that it was her act of not picking up the phone that ‘led me to lose self-control’. But no, that is not the case. It was my own interpretation and reaction that made me lose self-control. My losing self-control is in my hands. It is my responsibility.

Any external action is not the cause of my reaction. It can not be.

My losing self-control is in my hands. It is my responsibility.

If we keep that in mind our lives will become so much easier and less complicated to live.